Quick, while he's sleeping!

R is currently snoozing in his swing, and I thought I'd blog quickly before he realizes that I set him down.

As you can probably tell by the above sentence, he hasn't gotten much better about being set down. We have begun to be able to lay him in his swing for short periods, as long as he is asleep first. Otherwise, he is anti not being held. He is staying awake for longer periods, which means he insists on being held for longer periods. This was turning into a bit of a disaster, in regards to the state of my home, but I think I have discovered a solution. The Hubs and I dragged ourselves to a local baby wearing meeting today and got some help in regards to our wraps. As I said before, the mei tai was okay if R was asleep first, and I had a hand to support his head, and the moby was beyond my understanding. Well, ladies and gents, I might have figured out the moby! I was shown a way to get R in that gives him head support, allows him to look around (very important these days), and doesn't squish him. Best of all, he tolerates it while awake! I also discovered that I am in love with ring slings. A friend said she will add me to a fb group where people sell their used slings, and I'm hoping to be able to find one. If these continues to work, I can actually begin taking care of the house again! No more being tied to a chair because he refuses to be set down and requires two hands while being carried! I might even be able to go out and about while alone! This could open a whole new world of possibilities! :)

Last week we did our first real trip. We took a 7 hour car ride across the state to work at a Ren Faire, and it was amazing. R woke up every few hours to nurse and be changed, but he slept soundly for most of the ride. Upon arrival, he was a pretty good baby and after the first few hours of the first day, he slept most of the time. The miracle was that he allowed us to set him down while he slept. I was absolutely shocked by this, but R must have decided that was enough shock, because he has since resumed his stance on being set down while sleeping: firmly against. The trip home wasn't nearly as easy, but it taught us that while traveling we need to give ourselves a lot more time than we think we need.

This week was also amazing for teaching me which friends to turn to when having some baby trouble. I went to coffee with one well meaning friend who basically told me it's okay to practice the cry-it-out method. The gist was that sometimes babies need to stretch their lungs, I shouldn't be a human binki, and I need to be careful not to teach R that I will come and hold him when he cries. This might be something that other moms are comfortable with, and I fully support them, however, it isn't something I am comfortable with. I understand that there are times when you have done everything you can and baby is still crying. In those times I understand that baby is going to cry until baby falls asleep or is suddenly okay. I also know that in those times I want to show R that when he is upset, I will be there. I will be with him to hold him while he figures things out. I want him to know that he isn't alone when he is frustrated. I personally cannot make myself set him down and walk away when he is inconsolable. There are other mothers who can, and like I said, I support them, it just isn't for me. I get aggravated when R is having a difficult day and, sure, I complain, but I also understand that this is what I want. I could easily exclusively pump and bottle feed. I could easily set him in his crib and let him cry himself to sleep. I could easily set him down and let him figure it out while I get things done. I could easily use paper diapers. I could easily do a lot of things that might make things easier, but I choose not to because they don't feel right for me and my baby. There are some people who, I'm sure, don't agree with how I do things, and that's okay. That's what I'm really learning, it is okay if not everyone supports me. All I have to do is smile, thank them for the advice, and if I feel the need, simply inform them that that isn't something that works for us. I have plenty of people in my life that either seethe value in what I am doing or at least support that I am doing what I feel is right. That support is all I need, and I know it. <3

Life With A Baby

R was born 4 weeks ago today, so he is either a month old today or will be here in three days. He is staying awake a lot more, eating constantly, following our faces, and beginning to hold his head for short periods. He is extremely needy, hating to be set down, hating to sleep anywhere that isn't on one of us, and always hungry, but we love him. He has set a bit of a schedule for himself at night. He wakes up to eat and be changed at about 11, 2, 5, and 8. By 8 he has decided that he is up for the morning. At that point we get up, get changed, eat, and then he refuses to be set down. Because of this, we are having a little bit of trouble figuring out how to get back into our old routine. I very recently discovered that R will tolerate being in my mei tai wrap as long as he is practically asleep when I put him in. From there he goes to sleep and I can do the dishes and pick up a bit before he decides he is done and wants to eat RIGHT NOW! It has been a big accomplishment! I'm hoping that with this discovery I'll be able to get back in the swing of things. I am so incredibly out of practice when it comes to cooking, cleaning, crafting, everything. I miss baking, I miss crocheting, I miss a lot of the things I was doing when I had two hands.

The Hubs goes back to work on Tuesday, and I really hate to see him go. He has been so incredibly helpful, and I'm nervous about being on my own with the baby for the first time. I'm nervous about being completely on my own during night duty. I'm nervous about my little bit of progress disappearing once I don't have him here to take the baby for a moment. I'm nervous about not having anyone here to help when I get overwhelmed. It's definitely going to be an adjustment!

So, here are the goals:
-Get back on track with Motivated Moms
-Bake something
-Go to knitting and actually crochet

So, does anyone have any suggestions for getting things done with a needy baby?

Also, in case you weren't aware, IT'S FALL! I adore summer, but fall holds a special place in my heart. I love the smells, the tastes, the pleasantly cool air, and being from Florida, I love the colours! Having a baby now, I want to start some developing some family traditions. This year I want us to go to a pumpkin patch and pick apples. In the future I want us to all bake pumpkin treats, have a bon fire, and to grow and give pumpkins to our neighbors.

I truly can't wait to get R involved in the turning of the seasons with us. I see how difficult he can be right now, with needing to be held and reassured all the time that the world is an okay place to be, and it is so incredibly worth it. I look at him and I see all the things he is learning to do and I imagine all the things we will do, and my heart just swells. These first days can be difficult, but they are becoming easier. They can be difficult, but they will be so short. One month has passed and it happened so quickly! How quickly will the rest of time pass? Every time I think of how tired I am or how I wish he would just let me lay him down for a moment, I think of how soon he will be running and not wanting to be held. It makes me reevaluate things, and I snuggle him closer. I love being a mama and I don't want these days to end.

He's Here!

The weeks leading up to my labour were full of bad luck. Our AC had died (and thankfully been fixed) in part of the house, the master bath had mysteriously flooded, the cat managed to get life threateningly ill, and just two days before the big day, the septic had backed up into the house. I woke up at about 5:30 a.m. on August 25th to thunder and mild cramping. I tossed and turned for a bit before finally giving up and deciding to go to the bathroom. Being 41 weeks and 1 day, I did the frequent prayer for bloody show, and this morning my prayer had finally been answered. The poor cat had gotten himself locked in the bathroom with me and must have been quite confused by my little celebration. Afterwards I made my way back to bed, because I knew I was going to have a very long day ahead of me. After a few minutes of being extremely uncomfortable, I decided to make the best of it and just get up for the day. At about six the power flashed and being mildly afraid of the dark, I ran back to the bedroom to wake my hubby up and let him know that I thought things were starting. At this point the thunder was rather intense and he decided to just get up as well. As we worked on eating breakfast and cleaning up we decided to go ahead and time contractions so that we could give our midwives and Marie an idea as to where I was. By about 7:30 my contractions were around 30-40 seconds long and about four minutes apart, and this is where they stayed for most of the day. Around 9 we decided to go ahead and give Marie the okay too come over even though we didn't think we needed her yet. The rain was pretty bad and the streets were flooding, so we were all concerned that her car wouldn't make it if we waited much longer. As it turned out, it was already too late, and the Hubs had to go out and pick her up. Shortly after Marie arrived we discovered that the power was out in half our house. This, of course, was the half that controlled most of our major appliances, including the AC.  The entire time, I was having back labour and my contractions would get very intense any time I sat. We decided to distract ourselves by playing cards until the electric company could come out. Eventually Marie talked me into sitting and continuing to sit through a few contractions to let them continue doing what they needed to do. Without fail I would have a contraction at the start of each of my turns. After a few games and a glass of wine, Marie and I decided to try and get a nap since it was going to be such a late night. I laid down for a little bit, but my contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and laying down was anything but comfortable. I got back up, and Marie followed shortly after. At this point my contractions were definitely a fair deal more intense and my back was killing me! Marie, Laura, and Bettie all suggested I get on all fours to see if baby would reposition himself enough to help my back a bit. I got into position and stayed that way for about an hour, to no avail. My back continued to throb no matter what we did. By now my contractions were close to a minute long, but still around four minutes apart. I spoke with Bettie while we figured out what the plan would be in case the roads were still flooded and to let me know she would be in Virginia Beach for a bit. A little while after getting off the phone with Bettie, Laura texted to see how everything was going. She asked if I wanted Bettie to come by and check on me on her way through town, but I said no because even though things felt intense, I knew it would stay that way for quite a while, especially if baby was sunnyside up. I knew that all she would be able to tell me was what I was already doing. Within half an hour things intensified again, and the Hubs decided he wanted someone to come check on us anyways, even though I insisted that things were fine. Laura said we had missed Bettie, but that she would come over. The Hubs was amazing. He was always right where he needed to be, doing exactly what needed to be done. He would follow Marie's lead, trading off doing counter pressure and holding hot rags to my back. As soon as he would notice I was having a contraction, he would drop what he was doing and hold me while we swayed together, reminding me that I could do absolutely anything for a minute. After a particularly intense contraction I decided to try going to the bathroom even though I really, REALLY didn't want to. Sitting always made my contractions worse, and sitting on the toilet was excruciating. All day anytime I would sit to go to the bathroom, I would have to jump up halfway through to deal with the contraction. This time, the contraction began as I was sitting, and I finally decided, screw this, I'm peeing in the tub. As soon as I stepped in the tub, another extremely intense contraction hit and as it ended, I couldn't not push. With that, my water broke. Almost immediately, another contraction came. After a little bit, Marie came to check on me, and I can only imagine what she was thinking when she saw me standing in the tub! She came over and helped me take my shirt off so that she could spray water on my back. This is where things get a little hazy for me. Someone called Laura to say she really needed to hurry and at some point Marie called Bettie. Bettie began to walk Marie through what needed to be done, and the goal was to keep me from pushing until Laura arrived. She had me lay down on my side and blow through the contractions, which didn't work very well. I remember being really upset that the Hubs' mom and sister weren't there yet, and it seemed like they walked in right then. From that point it was game on, and he was coming whether we were ready or not. Bettie walked Marie through every step, and at 8:10 p.m., he came out, not sunnyside up, just huge and yelling. Marie got to be the one to hand me my baby for the first time, and I honestly couldn't imagine it any other way. Seconds later, Laura walked in and took over. Very shortly after that, we lost all power, so weighing him, measuring him, everything had to done by candlelight. It was really cool and I feel like that just really added to the experience. Everything was perfect, R scored two 9's, I only had a tiny tear that didn't even need stitches, and no one freaked out. It was amazing.

And Here It Is...

Okay, so by now I'm sure everyone and their mother has seen the recent Time magazine cover, but in case you haven't, here it is:

mommyish.com

 

 

This cover, and I suppose for some the article, has caused major controversy as of late. I have heard everything from cheers of encouragement to sneers of disgust. I have read comments calling this woman and all mothers like her both saints and perverts. I have expressed my personal opinion to my husband and sister, but beyond that have refrained from saying much. I have researched and reposted several articles discussing different points of what is considered attachment parenting, but have refrained from expressing whether or not I actually agreed with those articles. This was all to prevent a possible backlash from those in my life, but in the end I only know one of you, and I'm sure that particular reader won't disintegrate into a pool of blind anger if we happen to disagree. So, with that, I'm going to discuss my personal feelings about this cover, the article, and AP in general.

The Cover:
The actual cover of this article ticks me off. It isn't even the picture that upsets me, I think the picture is great. Art is supposed to cause a stir, get people talking, and no one can say that it didn't do this. The look of a mother almost defiantly feeding her child in the way nature intended whether the world likes it or not is beautiful. What upsets me is the way this photograph was used, especially in conjunction with that title. "Are You Mom Enough?" THAT is what angers me. The picture and title were used to incite anger, to pit us against each other, to cause shame, and all to make profit. In my opinion, that is misuse of power, and that is why I dislike the cover.

Four other pictures considered for the Time cover. 

 

 The Article:
The enclosed article contained a quick rundown of attachment parenting and a profile of Dr. Sears. This also annoyed me. The actual article had very little to do with the cover art, which just confirmed my suspicion that their aim was to get people in an uproar in order to sell more issues. The title of the article was "The Man Who Remade Motherhood." I despised this title. It implies that the ideals of AP were invented by Dr. Sears, and anyone who follows them is simply following a fad like The Master Cleanse or Myspace. It overrides the fact that these techniques are things that we are biologically programmed to do. It ignores that these are things that women have been doing since the beginning time. It implies that women need a male physician to tell us that it's okay to do what our instincts tell us to do. I appreciate the message that Dr. Sears has worked to spread, I simply dislike the idea that he invented this.

Attachment Parenting:
I agree with many of the ideals of AP, and hope to apply them to the ways I raise my children. I know there are certain things that I won't use because I am not comfortable with them, such as bed sharing, and that's okay. I know I don't have to follow every single one of these ideals "perfectly" in order for my child and myself to reap the benefits. In the end, I keep referring to them as ideals for a reason. Ideally we'd all breastfeed for an extended period of time, practice elimination communication, baby wear, and never let our littles cry, however life doesn't always allow that. I feel there is a lot of science behind why these things work and why we instinctively want to follow through with aspects of it. If anyone wants to learn more about AP and the science behind it, I highly recommend Mayim Bialik's Beyond the Sling.

Beyond the science, the reason I like AP is because it feels right to me. I will do what feels right to me, to the best of my ability. That's all we can truly ask of any parent. In the end, I think that is all that matters. We as mothers, as people, need to support each other in the decisions that we make in our families for our families. We live in a society where no matter what you do, someone is going to disapprove. There will always be someone who is angry with us because of our decisions. So many like to act as if the negativity is all one sided, but it isn't. This heat and negativity is coming from all sides. Either you're an "extremist who needs to get some serious help" or are "lazy and obviously don't care about the well-being of your children." If you happen to be floating somewhere in the middle people want you to settle on a side and fully commit. Someone on my Facebook said she was tired of all this "mommy war shit," and honestly, so am I. Granted, she meant that she didn't believe it was going on, but either way, it works. We need to quit tearing each other down, because we get enough of it from the outside world, we don't need it from each other also. I may not agree with some of the decisions others make (that will be a whole different post) but I support their right to make those decisions. I haven't walked in their shoes, I don't know their experiences. What feels right to me might not necessarily feel right to them. You know what? That's okay. Those differences in opinion, in life style, are what make life beautiful.

In the end, I support parenting in all ways, shapes, and forms. That is my opinion.