What I've learned.

So, in the past eleven and a half weeks (Holy cow!!!) I've learned that being a mama has its ups and downs, and that when you think you have something down, your baby will completely change the game on you. I've learned that the worst poops will happen when you didn't pack a change of clothes for you or baby. I've learned that the little things will absolutely melt your heart. I've learned that it's the hardest thing I will ever do. I've learned that there are some feelings I'm ashamed to admit, but in the end it's okay because I truly love him. I've learned that adult interaction is necessary for my sanity. I've learned that I can't do all the same things I did before. I've learned that I get to do so many more amazing things. I've learned that very few things will work more than once. I've learned that the animals will always be the loudest right after I get R to fall asleep. I've learned that sleep is scarce and how to deal with that a little. I've learned the magic of coffee. I've learned that Papa's will try their hardest, but still manage to bug you because they just don't get it. I've learned that R's smile can always make me smile. I've learned that you will get more unsolicited advice than you can shake a stick at. I've learned that R will ALWAYS cry as I begin to eat or get a shower. I've learned that babies will fight sleep tooth, nail, and lungs. I've learned that even though I get so frustrated when he's lost his mind, I get so sad when I see how much he's grown. I've learned to take help wherever I can get it. I've learned that I miss cooking. I've learned that I have a baby that just needs to be held. I've learned that I am RIDICULOUSLY out of shape. I've learned the value of baby wearing. I've learned that some friendships will end. I've learned that I'll long for old friends, but look forward to new friends. I've learned that not everyone will agree with my style of parenting, nor I theirs. I've learned that I will be told I am spoiling my child. I've learned that I will not hesitate to be an advocate for my child. I've learned that some things I would have previously considered gross I now do without a second thought. I've learned the many uses of breast milk. I've learned that I'm really good at masking my frustration. I've learned that it's okay to cry. I've learned that husbands give really good hugs. I've learned that my life has changed for the better. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that my life is amazing.

Also, I swear I have pictures, I just have to post them. :)

Quick, while he's sleeping!

R is currently snoozing in his swing, and I thought I'd blog quickly before he realizes that I set him down.

As you can probably tell by the above sentence, he hasn't gotten much better about being set down. We have begun to be able to lay him in his swing for short periods, as long as he is asleep first. Otherwise, he is anti not being held. He is staying awake for longer periods, which means he insists on being held for longer periods. This was turning into a bit of a disaster, in regards to the state of my home, but I think I have discovered a solution. The Hubs and I dragged ourselves to a local baby wearing meeting today and got some help in regards to our wraps. As I said before, the mei tai was okay if R was asleep first, and I had a hand to support his head, and the moby was beyond my understanding. Well, ladies and gents, I might have figured out the moby! I was shown a way to get R in that gives him head support, allows him to look around (very important these days), and doesn't squish him. Best of all, he tolerates it while awake! I also discovered that I am in love with ring slings. A friend said she will add me to a fb group where people sell their used slings, and I'm hoping to be able to find one. If these continues to work, I can actually begin taking care of the house again! No more being tied to a chair because he refuses to be set down and requires two hands while being carried! I might even be able to go out and about while alone! This could open a whole new world of possibilities! :)

Last week we did our first real trip. We took a 7 hour car ride across the state to work at a Ren Faire, and it was amazing. R woke up every few hours to nurse and be changed, but he slept soundly for most of the ride. Upon arrival, he was a pretty good baby and after the first few hours of the first day, he slept most of the time. The miracle was that he allowed us to set him down while he slept. I was absolutely shocked by this, but R must have decided that was enough shock, because he has since resumed his stance on being set down while sleeping: firmly against. The trip home wasn't nearly as easy, but it taught us that while traveling we need to give ourselves a lot more time than we think we need.

This week was also amazing for teaching me which friends to turn to when having some baby trouble. I went to coffee with one well meaning friend who basically told me it's okay to practice the cry-it-out method. The gist was that sometimes babies need to stretch their lungs, I shouldn't be a human binki, and I need to be careful not to teach R that I will come and hold him when he cries. This might be something that other moms are comfortable with, and I fully support them, however, it isn't something I am comfortable with. I understand that there are times when you have done everything you can and baby is still crying. In those times I understand that baby is going to cry until baby falls asleep or is suddenly okay. I also know that in those times I want to show R that when he is upset, I will be there. I will be with him to hold him while he figures things out. I want him to know that he isn't alone when he is frustrated. I personally cannot make myself set him down and walk away when he is inconsolable. There are other mothers who can, and like I said, I support them, it just isn't for me. I get aggravated when R is having a difficult day and, sure, I complain, but I also understand that this is what I want. I could easily exclusively pump and bottle feed. I could easily set him in his crib and let him cry himself to sleep. I could easily set him down and let him figure it out while I get things done. I could easily use paper diapers. I could easily do a lot of things that might make things easier, but I choose not to because they don't feel right for me and my baby. There are some people who, I'm sure, don't agree with how I do things, and that's okay. That's what I'm really learning, it is okay if not everyone supports me. All I have to do is smile, thank them for the advice, and if I feel the need, simply inform them that that isn't something that works for us. I have plenty of people in my life that either seethe value in what I am doing or at least support that I am doing what I feel is right. That support is all I need, and I know it. <3

Life With A Baby

R was born 4 weeks ago today, so he is either a month old today or will be here in three days. He is staying awake a lot more, eating constantly, following our faces, and beginning to hold his head for short periods. He is extremely needy, hating to be set down, hating to sleep anywhere that isn't on one of us, and always hungry, but we love him. He has set a bit of a schedule for himself at night. He wakes up to eat and be changed at about 11, 2, 5, and 8. By 8 he has decided that he is up for the morning. At that point we get up, get changed, eat, and then he refuses to be set down. Because of this, we are having a little bit of trouble figuring out how to get back into our old routine. I very recently discovered that R will tolerate being in my mei tai wrap as long as he is practically asleep when I put him in. From there he goes to sleep and I can do the dishes and pick up a bit before he decides he is done and wants to eat RIGHT NOW! It has been a big accomplishment! I'm hoping that with this discovery I'll be able to get back in the swing of things. I am so incredibly out of practice when it comes to cooking, cleaning, crafting, everything. I miss baking, I miss crocheting, I miss a lot of the things I was doing when I had two hands.

The Hubs goes back to work on Tuesday, and I really hate to see him go. He has been so incredibly helpful, and I'm nervous about being on my own with the baby for the first time. I'm nervous about being completely on my own during night duty. I'm nervous about my little bit of progress disappearing once I don't have him here to take the baby for a moment. I'm nervous about not having anyone here to help when I get overwhelmed. It's definitely going to be an adjustment!

So, here are the goals:
-Get back on track with Motivated Moms
-Bake something
-Go to knitting and actually crochet

So, does anyone have any suggestions for getting things done with a needy baby?

Also, in case you weren't aware, IT'S FALL! I adore summer, but fall holds a special place in my heart. I love the smells, the tastes, the pleasantly cool air, and being from Florida, I love the colours! Having a baby now, I want to start some developing some family traditions. This year I want us to go to a pumpkin patch and pick apples. In the future I want us to all bake pumpkin treats, have a bon fire, and to grow and give pumpkins to our neighbors.

I truly can't wait to get R involved in the turning of the seasons with us. I see how difficult he can be right now, with needing to be held and reassured all the time that the world is an okay place to be, and it is so incredibly worth it. I look at him and I see all the things he is learning to do and I imagine all the things we will do, and my heart just swells. These first days can be difficult, but they are becoming easier. They can be difficult, but they will be so short. One month has passed and it happened so quickly! How quickly will the rest of time pass? Every time I think of how tired I am or how I wish he would just let me lay him down for a moment, I think of how soon he will be running and not wanting to be held. It makes me reevaluate things, and I snuggle him closer. I love being a mama and I don't want these days to end.

He's Here!

The weeks leading up to my labour were full of bad luck. Our AC had died (and thankfully been fixed) in part of the house, the master bath had mysteriously flooded, the cat managed to get life threateningly ill, and just two days before the big day, the septic had backed up into the house. I woke up at about 5:30 a.m. on August 25th to thunder and mild cramping. I tossed and turned for a bit before finally giving up and deciding to go to the bathroom. Being 41 weeks and 1 day, I did the frequent prayer for bloody show, and this morning my prayer had finally been answered. The poor cat had gotten himself locked in the bathroom with me and must have been quite confused by my little celebration. Afterwards I made my way back to bed, because I knew I was going to have a very long day ahead of me. After a few minutes of being extremely uncomfortable, I decided to make the best of it and just get up for the day. At about six the power flashed and being mildly afraid of the dark, I ran back to the bedroom to wake my hubby up and let him know that I thought things were starting. At this point the thunder was rather intense and he decided to just get up as well. As we worked on eating breakfast and cleaning up we decided to go ahead and time contractions so that we could give our midwives and Marie an idea as to where I was. By about 7:30 my contractions were around 30-40 seconds long and about four minutes apart, and this is where they stayed for most of the day. Around 9 we decided to go ahead and give Marie the okay too come over even though we didn't think we needed her yet. The rain was pretty bad and the streets were flooding, so we were all concerned that her car wouldn't make it if we waited much longer. As it turned out, it was already too late, and the Hubs had to go out and pick her up. Shortly after Marie arrived we discovered that the power was out in half our house. This, of course, was the half that controlled most of our major appliances, including the AC.  The entire time, I was having back labour and my contractions would get very intense any time I sat. We decided to distract ourselves by playing cards until the electric company could come out. Eventually Marie talked me into sitting and continuing to sit through a few contractions to let them continue doing what they needed to do. Without fail I would have a contraction at the start of each of my turns. After a few games and a glass of wine, Marie and I decided to try and get a nap since it was going to be such a late night. I laid down for a little bit, but my contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and laying down was anything but comfortable. I got back up, and Marie followed shortly after. At this point my contractions were definitely a fair deal more intense and my back was killing me! Marie, Laura, and Bettie all suggested I get on all fours to see if baby would reposition himself enough to help my back a bit. I got into position and stayed that way for about an hour, to no avail. My back continued to throb no matter what we did. By now my contractions were close to a minute long, but still around four minutes apart. I spoke with Bettie while we figured out what the plan would be in case the roads were still flooded and to let me know she would be in Virginia Beach for a bit. A little while after getting off the phone with Bettie, Laura texted to see how everything was going. She asked if I wanted Bettie to come by and check on me on her way through town, but I said no because even though things felt intense, I knew it would stay that way for quite a while, especially if baby was sunnyside up. I knew that all she would be able to tell me was what I was already doing. Within half an hour things intensified again, and the Hubs decided he wanted someone to come check on us anyways, even though I insisted that things were fine. Laura said we had missed Bettie, but that she would come over. The Hubs was amazing. He was always right where he needed to be, doing exactly what needed to be done. He would follow Marie's lead, trading off doing counter pressure and holding hot rags to my back. As soon as he would notice I was having a contraction, he would drop what he was doing and hold me while we swayed together, reminding me that I could do absolutely anything for a minute. After a particularly intense contraction I decided to try going to the bathroom even though I really, REALLY didn't want to. Sitting always made my contractions worse, and sitting on the toilet was excruciating. All day anytime I would sit to go to the bathroom, I would have to jump up halfway through to deal with the contraction. This time, the contraction began as I was sitting, and I finally decided, screw this, I'm peeing in the tub. As soon as I stepped in the tub, another extremely intense contraction hit and as it ended, I couldn't not push. With that, my water broke. Almost immediately, another contraction came. After a little bit, Marie came to check on me, and I can only imagine what she was thinking when she saw me standing in the tub! She came over and helped me take my shirt off so that she could spray water on my back. This is where things get a little hazy for me. Someone called Laura to say she really needed to hurry and at some point Marie called Bettie. Bettie began to walk Marie through what needed to be done, and the goal was to keep me from pushing until Laura arrived. She had me lay down on my side and blow through the contractions, which didn't work very well. I remember being really upset that the Hubs' mom and sister weren't there yet, and it seemed like they walked in right then. From that point it was game on, and he was coming whether we were ready or not. Bettie walked Marie through every step, and at 8:10 p.m., he came out, not sunnyside up, just huge and yelling. Marie got to be the one to hand me my baby for the first time, and I honestly couldn't imagine it any other way. Seconds later, Laura walked in and took over. Very shortly after that, we lost all power, so weighing him, measuring him, everything had to done by candlelight. It was really cool and I feel like that just really added to the experience. Everything was perfect, R scored two 9's, I only had a tiny tear that didn't even need stitches, and no one freaked out. It was amazing.

So incredibly behind!

The last few weeks have been incredibly hectic! We've been out of town almost every weekend, I've been crocheting up a storm for Castle's Cradle, I've had several house guests, I'm preparing myself for a much unwanted visit with certain family members, working on designing menu plans built mainly around whole foods, babysitting, baby showers, and much more! On top of it all, third trimester has finally hit me! All I want to do is sleep and gorge myself on tums! Granted, my life hasn't been nearly as crazy as some of the amazing people I know, and for that I consider myself truly lucky! I am extremely blessed to be in a situation that allows me to not have to have a traditional career. (I say traditional because although I don't bring money into the home, I still consider caring for the home and finances to be my career) Alas, I shall continue to use all of this as an excuse for my absence. So, something had to be neglected, and unfortunately it was this blog.

As a side note, I finished taking the pictures for the Photo-a-Day June, I just need to upload them.

So, I've learned that it is VERY easy for me to get off track with the things that are important to me when life begins to get crazy. When there is company it is easy to neglect the meals I had planned and instead eat out. When there is company it is also easy to neglect the housework that needs done. Once these things have been neglected for a few days, the daily ritual has been broken and it becomes difficult to start again. Things have slowed down just a little, and I am still having to force myself to get back into the daily routine. I find myself putting off things that I was previously quickly getting out of the way. Laundry waits a couple days longer to be washed, and then sits in a basket for several days waiting to be put away. The daily chores might get done, but the special tasks are put off for another day. The menu is made, but a dollar menu dinner is still had. It is so easy to let laziness creep in, and I have yet to learn how to combat this. I have such big plans for our family, but ti is difficult to implement when the smallest things set us off track.

I guess the best I can do is not beat myself up about it and just try to get back into the swing of things as quickly as possible. Now, I'm going to put together a menu for the week and designate the daily housework. :) Wish me luck!