And Here It Is...

Okay, so by now I'm sure everyone and their mother has seen the recent Time magazine cover, but in case you haven't, here it is:

mommyish.com

 

 

This cover, and I suppose for some the article, has caused major controversy as of late. I have heard everything from cheers of encouragement to sneers of disgust. I have read comments calling this woman and all mothers like her both saints and perverts. I have expressed my personal opinion to my husband and sister, but beyond that have refrained from saying much. I have researched and reposted several articles discussing different points of what is considered attachment parenting, but have refrained from expressing whether or not I actually agreed with those articles. This was all to prevent a possible backlash from those in my life, but in the end I only know one of you, and I'm sure that particular reader won't disintegrate into a pool of blind anger if we happen to disagree. So, with that, I'm going to discuss my personal feelings about this cover, the article, and AP in general.

The Cover:
The actual cover of this article ticks me off. It isn't even the picture that upsets me, I think the picture is great. Art is supposed to cause a stir, get people talking, and no one can say that it didn't do this. The look of a mother almost defiantly feeding her child in the way nature intended whether the world likes it or not is beautiful. What upsets me is the way this photograph was used, especially in conjunction with that title. "Are You Mom Enough?" THAT is what angers me. The picture and title were used to incite anger, to pit us against each other, to cause shame, and all to make profit. In my opinion, that is misuse of power, and that is why I dislike the cover.

Four other pictures considered for the Time cover. 

 

 The Article:
The enclosed article contained a quick rundown of attachment parenting and a profile of Dr. Sears. This also annoyed me. The actual article had very little to do with the cover art, which just confirmed my suspicion that their aim was to get people in an uproar in order to sell more issues. The title of the article was "The Man Who Remade Motherhood." I despised this title. It implies that the ideals of AP were invented by Dr. Sears, and anyone who follows them is simply following a fad like The Master Cleanse or Myspace. It overrides the fact that these techniques are things that we are biologically programmed to do. It ignores that these are things that women have been doing since the beginning time. It implies that women need a male physician to tell us that it's okay to do what our instincts tell us to do. I appreciate the message that Dr. Sears has worked to spread, I simply dislike the idea that he invented this.

Attachment Parenting:
I agree with many of the ideals of AP, and hope to apply them to the ways I raise my children. I know there are certain things that I won't use because I am not comfortable with them, such as bed sharing, and that's okay. I know I don't have to follow every single one of these ideals "perfectly" in order for my child and myself to reap the benefits. In the end, I keep referring to them as ideals for a reason. Ideally we'd all breastfeed for an extended period of time, practice elimination communication, baby wear, and never let our littles cry, however life doesn't always allow that. I feel there is a lot of science behind why these things work and why we instinctively want to follow through with aspects of it. If anyone wants to learn more about AP and the science behind it, I highly recommend Mayim Bialik's Beyond the Sling.

Beyond the science, the reason I like AP is because it feels right to me. I will do what feels right to me, to the best of my ability. That's all we can truly ask of any parent. In the end, I think that is all that matters. We as mothers, as people, need to support each other in the decisions that we make in our families for our families. We live in a society where no matter what you do, someone is going to disapprove. There will always be someone who is angry with us because of our decisions. So many like to act as if the negativity is all one sided, but it isn't. This heat and negativity is coming from all sides. Either you're an "extremist who needs to get some serious help" or are "lazy and obviously don't care about the well-being of your children." If you happen to be floating somewhere in the middle people want you to settle on a side and fully commit. Someone on my Facebook said she was tired of all this "mommy war shit," and honestly, so am I. Granted, she meant that she didn't believe it was going on, but either way, it works. We need to quit tearing each other down, because we get enough of it from the outside world, we don't need it from each other also. I may not agree with some of the decisions others make (that will be a whole different post) but I support their right to make those decisions. I haven't walked in their shoes, I don't know their experiences. What feels right to me might not necessarily feel right to them. You know what? That's okay. Those differences in opinion, in life style, are what make life beautiful.

In the end, I support parenting in all ways, shapes, and forms. That is my opinion.