When the Hubs and I found out in December that we were expecting our first little one, we were absolutely shocked. Not because we are young, not because we weren't trying, but because we had been trying for so long with no result.
I will give you a quick run down so that you can better understand what I mean.
We were told very early that if we wanted biological children, that we would need to begin the process quickly. They had done what felt like hundreds of blood tests, an HSG, ultrasounds, everything, and they said it all came back normal. At the time, my doctors weren't exactly sure what the problem was, but they predicted that I was probably having anovulatory cycles, and that as time went by it would probably get worse. Since we both really wanted children, we immediately began trying, and month after month nothing changed. Since my cycles were so infrequent, every month I would be sure this was it, because Aunt Flo was nowhere to be seen. Each month we would anxiously test, and each month would end in heartbreak. After a while my doctor decided it was time to add Clomid and ovulation predictors to the routine. I took the Clomid for about four months, sometimes responding, sometimes not, before I was finally transferred to an actual infertility clinic about an hour away. From here, a Reproductive Endocrinologist quickly diagnosed me with PCOS and had us begin Clomid IUIs with HCG shots. After another four months of this with no success and my body not responding well, we discovered another roadblock. At one of the scans the RE noticed a strange cyst, and decided to have us get an ultrasound just to be sure that everything was okay. What we discovered was that while the cyst was of no concern, the fallopian tube it was on was. We learned that something wasn't quite right with the tube, and that I would need surgery to figure out what was going on and to hopefully fix it. During the surgery it was discovered that the tube was covered in cysts, blocked, twisted, and full of fluid from the previously mentioned cysts. There was nothing they could do other than remove it, and remove it they did. After a month or so to recover, we picked right up with the IUIs and a new medication, Femara. I responded beautifully to Femara, but still wasn't pregnant after another three months. Then, right before Thanksgiving, we were devastated to learn that I had not responded to the medication. I had a couple tiny follicles, but nothing that would be viable. After re-scan and no growth, the RE told me this particular cycle had failed. He said I would not ovulate this month and that I shouldn't come back until we were ready to proceed with IVF. Over the next few days I kept stubbornly testing for ovulation, but kept coming up negative. Hubs' aunt then gave us a mother goddess doll, and I kid you not, I ovulated the next day! At this point I was so late in my cycle that I sincerely doubted it would work, but we decided to give it a go any ways. And two weeks later, there were two glorious lines. We later found out that I ovulated from the ovary without a fallopian tube, and so it was even more special.
I promise that was the quick version!
So, after all that, it's been very hard to believe at times that this is actually happening. I remember in the very beginning I was sure the test was faulty. Then I was skeptical that I wasn't just being shown a video of an ultrasound. Then I had to convince myself that my midwife wasn't just telling me she found a heartbeat to spare me. Then I was sure that those little flutters were all in my head. I was just so sure that after two years of disappointment that this was just going to end in disappointment as well. Anytime something good would happen, something worse was just around the corner. Now that I'm as far along as I am, there is no denying it! My belly has grown and those flutters are full on punches now.
I'm 78 days away from my guess date, and it still shocks me to know that this is actually happening. It actually worked. We're actually going to be parents. It's not a big elaborate scheme to crush me in the end, this is real! And I couldn't be happier.
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